Alternative marketing thinking

iCONTRACT

Digital Guy Reviews Traditional TV.

I wrote this for the dead tree version of Campaign India.

This is a disaster. Seriously is.
It’s been a while since I watched TV. My DTH bill, I just discovered, has been in the negative for months. Also, I am a digital guy. Adept at talking about the nuances of Ajax and PHP rather than the skills needed to tell brand stories in 30 seconds.
So to have the privilege of doing Private View in this fortnight’s issue of Campaign. They didn’t mail the wrong guy, I called to check.
But hey! Wait a minute!
Aren’t I the average consumer? One that spends a disproportionate amount of his disposable income buying “advertised” stuff?
Hello Tubelight!
The guys at Campaign Magazine, smart I must admit, got it way earlier than I did.
Brace yourselves creative directors, copy writers, art directors, film makers and marketing people. The consumer is speaking. Er writing really, in this case. I THE CONSUMER speaking from the heart.

Speaking of the heart, here’s the first. A pensive looking Shahrukh Khan for Linc Pens, a commercial that was designed to tug at my heartstrings. Blimey did nothing, the turd. 50 seconds of slo-mo poetry. Was it supposed to get me a lump in the throat? Raise a hair to two on my neck? Nothing!. Maybe I am dead or something. A purveyor of pens trying analog stuff on a digital guy. Not their fault I guess. Broken! For me.

Then came the midgets, or perhaps Gulliver in a Coffee Shop. What can I say? A poor bloke being accosted by a family of dwarfs for State Bank of India Mobile Banking. Maybe you deserve it man. You maybe paying the bills but you forgot to feed them vitamins.

You know something. After seeing the KFC Kafeccino ad, even I’ve started to fantasize about losing my cold coffee virginity. Exploding biscuits, little nibbles of chocolate, three voyeuristic friends egging me on and a cute sales girl asking “first time”? Orgasmic it will be as the ad promised.

This one foxed me. TVS Sport featuring Virat Kholi. Virat, ask any consumer, and they will say is a smart bloke. But I don’t get the same vibe about the guys who made this one. Get on the bike and run Virat.

Idea’s 3G Population Control. This one should have connected with the geek in me. The service, not so much the ad. But the ad did for some reason. It’s corniness, innuendo and all. That tongue in cheek repartee in the end from Abhishek. Imagine an ad for 3G mobile service actually making me want to restore my cable connection to watch more of this. What an etc, you know.

To the final one.
I can see some social service messages are being spread using humour, like this one from Amaron Batteries.
Sing along with me…
Dear Malu country cousins.
Don’t piss standing under coconut trees.
Don’t ride bicycles on weak bridges.
Don’t do a Jesus on crocodile infested lakes.
THE CONSUMER really needs to call the cable guy. Silver ting and silver tong.

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